I've been thinking...

So... there was this this motivational speaker at my school on Friday. He was trying to get us pumped about our shoe drive. Which only sorta worked for me. I've heard all the stuff before, I've seen how horrible it is in Africa and I've seen poverty first hand in Nicaragua last summer. But he did get me thinking.

Why is it that we are so sad, depressed, upset, stressed out, and paralyzed with hopelessness while people in developing countries who are poor, hungry, sick, and oppressed are so happy and faithful?

We often turn it on ourselves: we must simply be piggish and selfish and heartless that we cannot be happy with what we have. We just don appreciate what we have. We are dramatic, we are needy, we are stupid Americans. We don't understand hunger, we don't understand loss, we don't know what it's like to have nothing. We are not content with the little things, we must have the best, and even that isn't good enough. We are spoiled.

Spoiled: To diminish the quality of. Why do we call ourselves or our children this? I am lost as to how this is an acceptable word to describe children who are given gifts. That's at least how the word was used on me. But am I truly spoiled? Is that in fact our biggest problem? I'm not sure how it can be. I for one am not piggish . I have been on many mission trips and volunteer regularly, so I cannot describe myself as selfish or heartless. I have a very hard time coming up with a wishlist: I have all I need and more. Sometimes I am dramatic, sometimes I am needy, but I am not stupid. I give my all at all that I do. I know hunger well, I know loss, and while I don't know what it's like to have nothing, I know what it's like to not have what I need. What I have is more than enough. 

But I will still describe myself as depressed, stressed, and hopeless. 

Why is that? Why do I have such a hard-pressed faith? Why do I always feel inadequate? What is it about me, and almost everyone I know, that makes me feel so sad and lonely and not enough. I don't have an answer to the question I guess. But the bible says that those who are rich and have much in this life, will have nothing in the next. Maybe that is a good thing too. Because as I see it from here, those who have nothing on this planet, have it all in joy, in spirit, in happiness, and in faith. I hope I have nothing in heaven, because if heaven follows the same formula as earth, at least my mind will be free from this crippling, paralyzing depression that binds me. 

For the contemplaters,

DWF