This is not just another story?

I named my blog a few years ago, in early 2010 when I created it, after my own lack of self worth. I haven't gained any deep feelings of self worth, in fact I am struggling with that as I write this. However I know now that my life is not just another story.

They say there is nothing new under heaven (History merely repeats itself. It has all been done before. Nothing under the sun is truly new, Ecclesiastes 1:9). This must also mean that there is no new problem under heaven. Anorexia, self-harm, pornography, tobacco, depression, loneliness, lust, abuse, nightmares, fear, suicide, sex, alcohol, lying,  dysfunction, mental illness, among a billion other things that a trillion other people are going through, nothing is new. This thought seems both a comfort and a paralysis. If there is no now problem under heaven, then there also must me no new reaction. And so this must be just another story, doomed to the same endings as so many before. 

If those who don't know history are doomed to repeat it, then it must be that we are all doomed. Because it is impossible to know everyone's history. This was the thought that left me content in my bubble if problems. This thought was my comfort and my paralysis. If I am doomed to be just another story, then what is there to combat the issues I face except what everyone else it doing? There is therapy, there is medication, there is money, there is love and friends and family, to mask the pain.


So I am content in my problems. Content to cope and content to exist within the issues I face, content with the assumed feeling that my worth is very little in the grand scheme of things. I may be very important to a few people, but if I were to disappear, the ripple would in actuality be quite small. And thus, I do nothing.


Inspired by Slow Fade by Casting Crowns and this video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9JgrJjyNzg&feature=g-vrec&context=G2c6f939RVAAAAAAAAAA, I have seen a slow fade in my  life. I know that I have fallen a long ways, but I've been saying that it's okay. It's okay for me to be what I've become right? I am nothing new. My issues, my choices, my actions? They are nothing new.


The feelings of mediocrity set in. The sense that my worth is even less than I perceived when I created a blog self proclaiming myself as nothing becomes present. And I feel as though the verse I used as comfort is actually my flaw, the flaw that is allowing me to fall to this again...


So I remain confused. Am I just another story? Or is there some way for me to change the way the world works? All I know for sure is this: I cannot remain this fading self. I must become one person of another. I cannot continue to live a lie of who I really am. 


Thoughts? With Love,
DWF