I tend to change like the seasons...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIsVpg6l3OQ (listen to this, you don't have to watch it) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NGPexIATlA8 (or this, if the above doesn't work)

Oh, your back! Isn't that a great song? No? Honestly, I don't care what you think of the song. You just had to listen to it cause it's the structure for this post. :)

So, I've known this song for a very long time, and loved it for a very long time! It describes my life, particularly when I was in middle school when I was completely floundering to figure out who I was. But I'm still floundering with that one so... yeeah. I feel like I know I used to be somebody else. A year and a half ago wouldn't recognize me today. But that is not the point of this post :)

Today when I was listening to this song, this lyric stood out to me: The people around me, they all seem to tell me, that I tend to change like the seasons. The people around me. Maybe I don't really change so much as it seems, I'm just becoming who I am. This would seem to be a wonderful predicament! But it's not. Not really. Some of the people around me, the ones who thought they knew me so well, don't like the person I am becoming.

But that is not my fault! It makes me feel horrible, yes. The radiating sense of disapproval and hatred radiating in my own house, yeah that sucks too. But it isn't about me! It can't be. Because I am happier with my life now (within the past year) than I have in almost a third of my life. How can that possibly be a bad thing?

So I am left to ponder this: how can someone who loves me, really loves me, radiate sarcastic condemnation when I am finally happy? Is my loneliness really the thing that was keeping this person from hating me? And if so, what this relationship really worth? It has to be worth something, because we are family, but what is it?

Thoughts, songs, stories, I'd love it all!
For the contemplative mind,
DWF