One Hell of a month...

It's been one month today. One month since normal. One month since everything started to tip upside down. My universe has been upside down and sideways and backward and inside out. But its all come around back to normal. 

And normal, sucks.

Only because I've changed so much. I thought i had everything figured out, I thought my life was finally on the up and up. But only one assignment later and I realize just how strong I'm not. I have come to some realizations over the past month, and I feel as though listing them might just clear my hear a little so here they are:

1) There is no one in the entire universe that has never lied to me.

2) I can't save people, I'm too weak and too stupid.

3) Depression is not a curable disease and even miracles will not quash the feelings of loneliness.

4) Unconditional love is a pile of crap, not even the God I believe in and trusted does it.

5) Letting anyone know how you feel, even yourself, makes life so much more complicated.

So depressing, I know. But truer words I have never spoken, especially number one. I have little else to say really, I am now refusing to feel because it makes life to much like hell. All I have left is this poem I wrote:

i no longer harbor any resentment to you

but neither will i thank you

for all the pain you put me through

i am finally content to simply cling to sanity

and be lonely for eternity

…everything is truly different now...

For nothing from:
Dancing with Fire